This Is Illegal Funny How to Reply

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my illegal logging business is a success.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?

Unlawful is the act of breaking the law. Illegal is a sick bird.

The blinds store

So there's this store down the street called "Bailey's Blinds", and I can't help but wonder that it must be a front for some sort of illegal activity. Money laundering, perhaps? Or maybe it's an incognito hub for illicit products of some nature. I mean, how can a business possibly function for over 15 years while consistently profitable, by selling nothing but blinds? ...It's a shady business if you ask me.

What do you call an illegal immigrant and a catholic priest fighting?

Alien VS Predator

Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...

And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.

He had been smuggling bicycles.

Why is it always a full tide in South Africa?

Because they made a part tide illegal.

Five guys in an Audi Quattro...

...arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs officer stops them and says,

"It'sa illegal to puta five people in a Quattro."

"What are you talking about?" the driver asked.

"Quattro meansa four, and you are five-a people."

"Quattro is just the name of the car."

"Don'ta think you can fool me! Quattro meansa four and you are five-a people, you are breakinga the law."

"You idiot! Call your supervisor, I need to speak with someone with more intelligence!"

"He can'ta come."

"Why not?"

"He'sa busy witha two guys in an Uno."

According to the BBC website, 'cocaine users are getting younger'

I have always avoided illegal narcotics but, now that I've found out that they actually reverse the aging process, I'm going to give them a go.

I heard there's a new movie coming out where an illegal immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child molester...

They're calling it Alien vs Predator.

I know it's illegal for me to cook my own alcohol...

But still.

You can explore illegal decree reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean illegal suave dad jokes. There are also illegal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Lucky I didn't get caught...

I was nailing this chick in the park the other weekend. And I was so lucky not to get caught.

Supposedly crucifixions are illegal these days

If you're going to do something illegal don't plan it through Facebook

Do it somewhere private where no one will see you, like google+.

It may be illegal to steal kitchen utensils, but what can I say?

I'm a whisk taker

Why does it take southerners so long to do their chores?

Because slavery is illegal.

US has serious problem with illegal immigrants.

If you don't believe me ask any Native American.

I went to bed with a 7 and woke up with a 10.

Forced upgrades should be illegal, Microsoft.

If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country...

...but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.

What's the difference between E.T and illegal immigrants?

E.T actually learned English and wanted to go home.

It turns out the iPhone 7 is illegal.

It got de-ported

What do you call it if an illegal immigrant fights a sex offender?

Alien vs. Predator

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

A cop pulls an illegal immigrant over near the US-Mexico border and asks "Papers?"

The immigrant responds "Scissors" and drives away

Don't commit suicide!

It's illegal to destroy government property.

A couple were having an argument

Angry Wife: "I should have married the Devil... He would make a better husband than you!"

Husband: "Honey, you would have been arrested!! Marriage between relatives is illegal in this country!" ...

An American and a Mexican are sitting at the beach when a genie offers both of them one wish.

The American says:

"I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or illegal Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission." And voilá the wall is built.

The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants:

"Fill it with lava."

I just found out insomnia is illegal in my home town.

They call it resisting a rest.

What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?

One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.

Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!

Did you know using too many commas is now illegal....

You can end up with a very lengthy sentence.

What's the difference between E.T. and an illegal immigrant?

E.T. learned the language, and eventually went home.

Do you know the most outstanding thing about our illegal immigrants?

Their warrants.

(Here come the down-votes!)

What's the difference between an illegal alien and E.T.?

E.T. learned English and went home.

Did you know that counting is illegal in Afghanistan?

There's a Taliban

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

What do you call a music group that has been participating in illegal activity online

The Black IPs

I can't support building a wall to keep out illegal immigrants.

It's borderline racist.

It always shocks me when people say republicans are anti-communists

With trying to make abortions illegal, get rid of birth control, defund planned parenthood, those all are textbook examples of seizing the means of reproduction.

Many things used to be illegal in North Korea.

Now they're unlegal.

Why is suicide illegal?

destruction of government property.

What's it called when an illegal immigrant and a child molester get in a fist fight?

Alien VS predator

The 13th Amendment makes it illegal to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

masturbation is not illegal,

but if it were, people would probably start taking the law into their own hands.

A woman goes to a pharmacy.

"I need to buy some cyanide, I'm going to kill my husband," she said to the pharmacist.

Shocked, he replied, "That would be illegal."

"Oh?" she asked. She pulled out her phone and pulled up a picture. "This is my husband in bed with your wife," she stated.

"Oh," the pharmacist replied. "You didn't say you had a prescription."

Now that weed is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.

All I'm saying is the Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago

...and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans.

An illegal immigrant and a sex offender get into a fight

It was Alien vs. Predator

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.

Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?

The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!

The man said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?

If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it,

my illegal logging business is running smoothly

The most German joke I know (source: am German): Why are there so few crimes in Germany?

Because its illegal.

Why are you not allowed to do calculus intoxicated?

It's illegal to drink and derive.

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

I saw a woman once

Who was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She starts waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead. She was waving an illegal fire arm.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Subscriber,

We are cutting off your Internet service due to illegal downloading.

I hear they made a movie about an illegal immigrant who beats up a child abuser.

Alien vs Predator

Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama?

Because you should never turn your back on your family.

I'm never smoking with illegal immigrants again!

I asked who had the papers and everyone ran.

Trump followed through with his plan to get rid of illegal immigrants

By making America so bad they'll leave on their own.

I was illegally hunting for mushrooms.

I have questionable morels.

Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama?

Because you never turn your back on family.

Who would have thought that one day we'd be smoking weed at a family gathering....

.....but the illegal part would be the gathering.

Why can't contractors shoot each other with sealant?

Because caulk fighting is illegal.

Three men on a bike

Three men were travelling on the same bike when they were caught by a policeman.
"Don't you know it's illegal for more than 2 people to travel on a bike? Why are there three of you?"

"Three?! Shit, where's James?!"

I got arrested for illegal fishing, even though there weren't any 'no fishing' signs.

Apparently if it's an aquarium in a hotel lobby, you don't need a sign.

I recently took up a career installing worktops in kitchen, little did I know I would be arrested.

Turns out counter fitting is illegal!

I heard germany is going to make robot driven cars illegal in their highways

It's going to be called auto-ban

We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it

then my illegal logging business is a success

it's now illegal to count anything in Afghanistan....

They have.a... Taliban

What do you call a sick bird trying to get across the border?

An illegal

Why is suicide illegal in China?

Destruction of government property

What's the #1 rule of being an illegal towel dealer?

Don't get dry on your own supply.

Why was the blue jay arrested for crossing the road?

Because jaywalking is illegal.

TIL: During the 1960s, it was illegal for the Chinese people to sit on a sofa.

Because Mao was more of a chair man.

A guy tried to sell me illegal bees to make free honey.

I said no because I knew it was a sting operation.

What do you call an invasive species that happens to be a bird?

Illegal avian.

What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?

Unlawful means against the law, while the other is a sick bird

Why are sports bets illegal for the composer?

He arranges the score

Why can't a sick eagle cross the road?

Because it's ill-e-gal

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Source: https://jokojokes.com/illegal-jokes.html